Demon Dialogues

When it comes to arguing couples tend to fall into certain patterns called the ‘Demon Dialogues‘ (click on the link to learn even more). EFT helps us identify where couples become stuck called ‘cycles’ or ‘patterns’. Once identified, it is helpful to understand how we get caught and then slow it down.

How Our Past Family Generational Trauma Affects Us Today

As we learn more about trauma from our childhood, recent science studies shows us trauma is passed down through the generations. This is important because safe, loving connections helps reduce the effects of trauma on our psyche and can be healed with EFT Couples Therapy. This article by Scientific American helps us better understand the impact trauma has on us, and on our future generations and how best to reduce it.

Addiction and Attachment

What we thought we knew about addiction is not quite right as evidenced by the research indicated in this amazing video by Johann Hari, as he shares how imperative attachment is for recovery.

Here is another informative, yet brief video entitled ‘Rat Park’ to help you better understand the power of connection when it comes to recovery from addiction and what drives that.

Give a listen to Sam Tieleman’s presentation on Sexual Intimacy as it relates to addiction, in this case drinking, with a live couple who was willing to share their process to better understand what a couple therapy session sounds utilizing EFT.

Looking at attachment as it relates to addiction is a revolutionary concept that changes the way we see and treat addiction.  On this link JimThomas, LMFT from Colorado shares his expertise regarding shame and recovery as it relates to healing from substances.  If you want only his presentation, start at minute 14.

In this The Couch PodCast with Michael Barnett LCP  from Atlanta, Michael shares his experience working with couples struggling with addiction by utilizing the power of Emotionally Focused Therapy compared to other  forms of therapy in order to better help partners heal from substance issues.

EFT Meaning

“If we can reveal our inner vulnerability to our partner, we can have a corrective emotional experience if our partner empathically and compassionately responds. So I can say to you, “Here I am with all of my blemishes.” And if I can experience that you love me, in my nakedness I begin to feel lovable. This is the deepest and scariest place for couples to go. And yet EFT couples therapy can produce much deeper change than individual therapy, because it is your actual partner who can confirm and validate you. So it is a corrective emotional experience that disconfirms your negative beliefs about yourself, and your negative feelings about yourself.”  Les Greenberg

Still Face experiment comes to life in adult couples

Revolutionary film footage of a couple in distress and the affect of the ‘still face experiment’ on a partner compared to an infants lack of response from a mother.  The classic still face experiment was initially done with a mother and their infant to show attachment reactions, but this video goes a step further to show how powerful disrupted attachment is on the partners.  A must see.

Rethinking Narcissism

The Bad-and Surprising Good-About Feeling Special

In ‘Rethinking Narcissism,’ Dr. Malkin presents narcissism on a spectrum, too much is problematic and too little, it turns out, is a problem as well. Like most things in life there is a balance.  But what really stands out here is that old thinking that once a narcissist always a narcissist, just doesn’t hold up anymore.  Narcissism isn’t created in a vacuum and for many folks dealing with this issue, change is possible.  Especially with empathy and helping them and their partner understand the consequences of their behavior.  By the way, when taking the narcissism test, don’t attempt to take it for your partner, mother etc., this needs to be more further evaluated by a mental health practitioner.  I have had couples who have  been told by their former therapists that their partner is a narcissist and therefore is not treatable.  I often wonder, if the therapist is burned out and feeling helpless in such situations, rather than working to help those with narcissistic traits feel heard and understood.