Marriage counseling

Turtle and the Badger as it relates to EFT negative cycles

This is a new video on how partners become stuck in the negative, interactional cycle where pursuers are a bit like badgers and withdrawers become more like turtles. A great way to learn about the negative interactional cycles where one pushes for contact and the other avoids connection.

Demon Dialogues

When it comes to arguing couples tend to fall into certain patterns called the ‘Demon Dialogues‘ (click on the link to learn even more). EFT helps us identify where couples become stuck called ‘cycles’ or ‘patterns’. Once identified, it is helpful to understand how we get caught and then slow it down.

How Our Past Family Generational Trauma Affects Us Today

As we learn more about trauma from our childhood, recent science studies shows us trauma is passed down through the generations. This is important because safe, loving connections helps reduce the effects of trauma on our psyche and can be healed with EFT Couples Therapy. This article by Scientific American helps us better understand the […]

What can you expect from EFT for couples?

Being caught in a relationship where your needs are not being met and where you don’t feel heard or understood, is debilitating.  Now there is help in the form of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Couples who successfully complete the process of Emotionally Focused Therapy counseling can expect many of the following results:  Improved communication Feeling supported and […]

Who is EFT Couples Therapy not intended for

If you and your partner are experiencing the following problems, EFT is unlikely suited for you until these issues are resolved: Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence In cases where the couple has ongoing and current relationship violence or aggression, therapy may ill advised or may be seriously contraindicated, as this could pose a safety issue. In […]

Rethinking Narcissism

The Bad-and Surprising Good-About Feeling Special In ‘Rethinking Narcissism,’ Dr. Malkin presents narcissism on a spectrum, too much is problematic and too little, it turns out, is a problem as well. Like most things in life there is a balance.  But what really stands out here is that old thinking that once a narcissist always […]

How long does EFT Couples Therapy last?

While there is no exact answer to this question, the research shows that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has been demonstrated to help couples without histories of trauma, affairs, addictions, and aggression in as little as 15-22 sessions. This means that if you or your partner have a history of trauma, affairs, addictions, aggression (but not […]

An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald

As an Emotionally Focused Therapist who works with couples in distress, I have been recommending this book as an adjunct to the couples work since it’s arrival. I do this in order to reinforce the processes that occur during our emotionally focused therapy sessions.  Couples who do utilize this book during our work together, consistently […]

Couples Counseling for Affairs

After helping many couples where there has been infidelity, one of the sure fire ways facilitate the early process of reconnection, is for the partner who had the affair to no longer be involved in anyway with the person they cheated with. I realize that sounds logical, but sadly, after many hours of therapy, time, […]

What is the difference between Neediness and sharing your Needs?

So the topic of expressing needs vs. being needy came up recently and I thought this was such an important issue that ‘needs’ to be more fully explored and understood.  It is not easy letting your partner know your needs, especially when there have been very negative interactional cycles hijacking your relationship and not allowing […]