Divorce vs. EFT Therapy

EFT Can be a Valuable Investment

A complete therapy process can be expensive, but divorce is far more costly, both emotionally, financially and in other ways. Divorce could cost you ten times as much as therapy–maybe more–and could uproot you, your spouse, and your children. If there’s even a small chance your relationship could survive whatever is currently impacting it, isn’t it worth it to make to learn more about how your relationship can change and improve?

EFT Couples Therapy and Why it Works!

After over 25 years of providing several different forms of couple therapy, there is clearly one that stands above the rest, with both the empirical research and results to prove it. Emotionally Focused Therapy stands head and shoulders above Cognitive behavioral Therapy (CBT) in outcome studies and in my own experience working with couples. In the past, I provided CBT for several years with couples and individuals, but once I delved into EFT and became a Certified EFT Therapist, I knew which one worked for me and the couples I work with. There is a great deal of research to show that EFT works and works exceptionally well, with a 70-90% success rate!

EFT can change your relationship for the better. Fully 70-90% of distressed couples who complete EFT experience significant improvement in their relationship. Almost three-fourths can be classified as “recovered” by the end of treatment, having made gains so significant they no longer qualify as distressed.

EFT works even where other treatments fail

EFT has been shown to work well with couples in all social strata, couples with little formal education, and couples where the husband or withdrawn partner is rated by the wife or expressive partner, as “inexpressive” These three groups are historically the groups that don’t do well in other forms of couples therapy. If you think that your relationship (or your spouse) isn’t fit for traditional therapy, EFT may be just what you’re looking for.

EFT brings about Lasting change

Unlike in other forms of couples therapy where the positive effects of therapy begin to drop off almost immediately at the end of treatment, couples who fully complete the 3 stages and 9 steps of EFT maintain their gains–and even continue to improve on them–over the next 24 months ad beyond, without any additional treatment.

EFT can be challenged by some of the following:

If there is ongoing violence or partner aggression in your relationship, or if one partner is absolutely unwilling to even attempt emotional reconnection, EFT may take longer and in some cases may not be effective. No therapy works for everyone, but EFT is among the most effective available especially combined with a strong commitment to the process.

ways to ensure eft is effective

Attend therapy weekly. Read ‘Hold Me Tight’ or ‘Created for Connection’ and or do the ‘Two of Us’ workbook together. Explore substance issues and better understand how they are getting in the way of your recovery and your connection. Complete your homework in order to facilitate an understanding of the cycles that take down the relationship and create disconnection in order to create something better.

For more information on the scientific research supporting EFT, including sources for all of the statistics cited above, please visit the EFT supportive research menu.

February 22, 2016June 25, 2019

Rethinking Narcissism

The Bad-and Surprising Good-About Feeling Special

In ‘Rethinking Narcissism,’ Dr. Malkin presents narcissism on a spectrum, too much is problematic and too little, it turns out, is a problem as well. Like most things in life there is a balance. But what really stands out here is that old thinking that once a narcissist always a narcissist, just doesn’t hold up anymore. Narcissism isn’t created in a vacuum and for many folks dealing with this issue, change is possible. Especially with empathy and helping them and their partner understand the consequences of their behavior. By the way, when taking the narcissism test, don’t attempt to take it for your partner, mother etc., this needs to be more further evaluated by a mental health practitioner. I have had couples who have been told by their former therapists that their partner is a narcissist and therefore is not treatable. I often wonder, if the therapist is burned out and feeling helpless in such situations, rather than working to help those with narcissistic traits feel heard and understood.

February 21, 2016June 25, 2019

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive the Freedom not to.

When partners are traumatized by infidelity and betrayal, ‘How Can I Forgive You’ helps the body and heart of the reader begin to explore options to healing. For example, how not to be caught up the pain that in many cases keeps the person who has been betrayed, hurting more. It is also helpful for the partner who had the affair, read or listen to, in order for them to better understand the pain their partner is experiencing. Reading out loud to one another helps provide healing and creates connection and understanding. Click Here to Order NOW!

February 21, 2016June 25, 2019

Not Just Friends

The seminal read for partners when an attachment injury such as infidelity has occurred. Shirley Glass helps both the person who cheated and the one who was cheated on understand one another’s experience as though they are in the shoes of the other and what has created these tragic events. This is a book many cannot put down and is usually devoured when an affair has been recognized. Please couple this process with Hold Me Tight otherwise it can be too much at one time. Caution: Creating a timeline of the infidelity, will only create more PTSD symptoms making it harder to heal. I am not suggesting that the evens be ignored, they, in fact, need to be processed with the partner in a way the partner can hear the pain not only the rage. Click Here to Order NOW!

February 21, 2016June 25, 2019

EFT Work Book for Couples: The Two of Us

A workbook based on EFT methods to help build a sold foundation for connection.[/fusion_title][fusion_text]This hands on must read, resource helps couples begin the process of building a foundation of new ways of connecting together. While Hold Me Tight is an excellent primer for therapy, this workbook will help carry the couple throughout the therapeutic process to really integrate the experience of therapy and create more safety between sessions. Reading and doing the exercises in the book together, between sessions, helps each partner better understand themselves, their partner and their relationship, and the deep connective work they have done in the session. The reason I recommend this book so strongly is because I noticed that couples who integrate the workbook into their therapeutic process, build more safety and connection within their relationship and between sessions, progress through the therapeutic process more quickly. Oh and BTW, I have utilized the book within my own relationship and really enjoyed getting to know my husband and my patterns with him even more. Click here to order NOW!

February 21, 2016June 25, 2019

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Susan Johnson

The ‘Demon Dialogues’ and ways to stop the cycle and pain. ‘Hold Me Tight’ by Dr. Susan Johnson is a must read for any couple embarking on the journey of reconnecting and rebuilding their primary relationship. It is my first recommended reading for any couple beginning couples therapy for several reasons. Number one, the book helps one understand the science and research behind EFT, because it is not some fly by night couples therapy approach, but has deep scientific roots. Second, Dr. Johnson lays out the dances couples become caught in found in the section entitled ‘Demon Dialogues’ which enables couples to see that they are not alone in their dances and can start to identify when they become caught so they can stop these demon dances. Third, the deeper core wounds or attachment injuries can and do occur as a result of the negative dances and she gives hope on how to help couples moving through the hurts. Using this book alone to change your relationship, especially when you have been caught in pain and disconnection for some time, can help but it is not enough. It will help to facilitate your process when combined with Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Hardcover Version

November 8, 2015June 25, 2019

An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald

As an Emotionally Focused Therapist who works with couples in distress, I have been recommending this book as an adjunct to the couples work since it’s arrival. I do this in order to reinforce the processes that occur during our emotionally focused therapy sessions. Couples who do utilize this book during our work together, consistently move more quickly through the process and feel more empowered between sessions. Not long ago, one of my clients queried me asking ‘Have you and your husband used the workbook?’ Realizing we hadn’t, we began working together on it Sunday afternoons using the working book during late lunches. It deepened my, and our, process in our relationship and helps me identify where my couples are in the workbook. The only recommendation or change I would make regarding this book is to call it something other than a ‘workbook’ such as ‘Bonding Resource’ because that is what it feels like. ‘Workbook’ doesn’t sound connective, and this book is.